why is everyone not made the same? this questions always kept repeating in my mind. i never knew that one day, i'll reflect myself and found the truths hidden beneath all of these layers of doubts.
i always say that i'm "beautiful". never caring about what my friends think or what are their opinions. i never realise that wad i'm doing is making a big change in my life.
i in turn became an egoistic monster who only think highly of herself. i couldn't control it. never taming it. it starts getting bigger.
and now i realise that i'm never that "beautiful". all this time i was juz lying to myself. being ego, afraid of the truth. which is me, another word to define "pathetic ugly loser".
i should've known that when my dad says that i'm "beautiful" does not come naturally but because i am his only gurl. i always believe it.
then i reflect, my past years in primary school, i wasn't pretty. with high socks, tight belts, ugly hairdo and nerdy prefect. no wonder HE accepted me. maybe HE sympathizes me. not HIS love for me. i was too young to know to define that "love".
then i came to sec sch. i wasn't important to HIM anymore. HE left, with a scar in my heart. HE changed, no longer the same. HE smokes, a failure and never listens. but HE still owns a gurl.
me. done.
i met lotsa guys along the way. fall in love. then move on.
it never dawn to me that i wasn't wad anyone is looking for. not the typical person.
everytime i walked pass a cute guy, i'll always think, "is he looking at me?" "is he gonna ask my number?" "is he gonna make the first move?" none of the above.
no one did THAT. i was juz a piece of JUNK. LOSER.
till i met mr R. he changed my life. my views towards men. my stoned-heart that never allows to be hurt again.
but it was too good till it lasts. he left. but will be back after 6 months. he called. 11 days ago. promised that he'll update me on his well-beings.
now i know why long-distance never really worked out. mr R.'s friend chatted with me online one week ago. he was at Brunei too. he told me mr R. has been busy these days. with SOMEONE. i knew. it was all over. i wasn't worth it. over.
he explained to me on the phone saying, "i fell in love with a Brunei gurl" my world came crashing down. i was in denial. i never thought he'd do that. after all, he's juz mr R. i knew i wasn't worth it for him. i was only his comfort zone.
yes. i'm sad. heartbroken. being left again.
like a JUNK. LOSER.
i moved on. living my happiest today. but it wasn't enough.
all these questions was being drawn back to me.
"am i worthy of a guy?" "will i found the one?" "will any guy love me for who i am?" "am i pretty?" "am i ugly till u do not even wish to look at my face?"
i answered them easily. i do not need all these.
i know that people love me the way i am. i'm not going to change that. i am who i wanna be. it's me who have the GREATEST bunch of friends in the whole world. it's me who have the most LOVING family in the whole wide world. it's me who i really wanna be with for the rest of my life.
i do not need to be beautiful to have the confidence. cause all that matters is the inside of me. the one whom everyone loves and knows.
that's juz enough.
i'll find the PERFECT guy one day. but not anytime soon. cause my mum says beauty will grow. yessssa. i can't wait to see the product. THEN START CHOOSING!!! =))
head over heels for my loving morientes who did not play for spain for world cup.
and he's a good friend of rauuul.
i juz looove morientes.
i'll post more of my fav. soccer players here soon. u'll drool. u'll see.
- disclaimer : confessions not done by me. =))
i'm a happy happy gurl.
tic toc no it's the clock again at 8:48 PM
⥠Profile â¥
- 16 yrs old ('07)
- TKGian; computer clubber.
- born on 23rd May 1991
- unattached - 1/5, 2/5, 3/2 & 4/2 ('07)
⥠Wish Upon A Star! â¥
- creative zen> - adidas wallet, pencil case, bag, watch & water bottle - more LADY-LIKE tops
- mango tops!!
- OLYMPUS SP700 - BIG tweety bird soft toy
- meet, take pictures with, smile at, hug HADY MIRZA - cut my hair - ripples/havaianas flip flops - satisfied grades
- Nokia 5300
- Super Junior Vol. 2, Super Junior Planner & Super Junior Goodies (posters, stickers & pictures)
- Battle Goodies (poster, single & pictures)
